IS IT POSSIBLE TO FORGIVE CHANGES?
The fact is that when we make vows of eternal love, we ourselves believe in it! But where is the guarantee that nothing will change tomorrow, that our feelings will remain the same? Moreover, many betrayals are committed out of stupidity, in the heat of the moment, many themselves are then horrified by their actions.
How to respond to change? Forgive? To break relations? And, if we consider the other side, to confess or not?
Let’s consider in order.
To the question: to confess or not to treason, the answer is much easier. If you cheated by accident and are going to save the marriage, then, of course, you should not brag about your act, this is useless, it only hurts a person close to you and can lead to a break. Well, if you are determined to break the bonds of marriage for the sake of a new love, then, of course, you need to say so.
Now let’s try to deal with the question: to forgive or not to forgive?
Oddly enough, but experience shows that a man who cheats on his wife very rarely decides to leave his wife. Usually a story with a love triangle drags on for a very long time, if not endlessly. A man almost always tries to expose to his new girlfriend such weighty circumstances that hang like a stone around his neck, and he can’t throw them off in any way, for example: small children who need to be raised; a sick wife who will not survive the breakup, the children will grow up, the wife will recover But, as a rule, the denouement of a love affair comes at the initiative of a woman. Maybe it will be a mistress who is tired of listening to fairy tales, maybe a wife who is tired of sharing her missus with someone else.
Faced with the betrayal of her husband, many women start a real war for their faithful, and in war, as you know, all means are good! Here, a new hairstyle, and prayers, and a new wardrobe, threats, and negotiations with a mistress, and not only negotiations, are used. Well, instinct is a serious matter, the strongest wins! But stop for a minute, think about whether you will need it after your victory? Will you be able to live next to him, trust him, share your innermost things with him? Can you trust him with your life and the life of your children? If you can, then it’s worth fighting to the end.
There is another scenario of living together in the presence of parallel relationships. The man claims that he cannot live without his wife, that she is the meaning of his life, but at the same time continues to change from time to time. Some wives find the strength to treat this situation with humor. They draw up a schedule for the obligatory presence of the husband at some events and leave him free days. They see him off with a request to return no later than so many hours. They carefully put condoms in his pocket Do you think this is unacceptable? So, this is not your option, but it is quite viable and not so rare. Spouses, as it were, play a special game that takes place within certain limits and which has its own rules.
Some wives quite consciously tolerate their husbands’ betrayal if the husband fully ensures the well-being of the family at a sufficiently high level: elite schools for children, expensive shopping, a luxury car, holidays in famous resorts What is this, the price for a luxurious life? Or the consciousness that a certain material level in terms of status requires a mistress, as in that joke? And in no case should these women be condemned, they have chosen for themselves a model of life that gives them a certain level of well-being, and for this they provide their spouse with a certain degree of freedom.
Psychologists believe that if you still decide to fight for your husband, then you need to act very carefully and patiently. Scandals are categorically excluded in any form! Try to update your appearance. Find new hobbies with your husband in order to spend as much time together as possible, but not for cleaning the apartment or digging the garden, but for interesting activities for both, for example, go to the gym together, go fishing, go to the theater, visit friends. Set some common goal, for example, build a house, or buy a summer house on the coast, or go on a trip to distant lands. Remember together the pleasant moments of your life together, look through the photos, rejoice in the successes of the children, not forgetting to emphasize that they have this – in dad, and this – in mom. These simple maneuvers often end in success.
And, finally, if you decide that you can’t forgive, that you need to leave, do it right away! Stretching pleasure is an extra pain for you and for your loved ones.
There are many more options, each couple can develop their own model of behavior for themselves, most importantly, try to minimize the negative points, there are already enough of them in this situation.
And, most importantly, once you’ve made a decision, stick with it. Forgive me and do not reproach your husband for treason. Forget about leaving, draw a line and step into a new life, do not let a train of dirty laundry trail after you.
Life goes on anyway!