PERSONAL LIFE AND CHILD
Personal life is a very important part of life in general. What kind of personal life can there be if a child sleeps with their parents or is in the same room with them? What to do if the baby woke up a little at the wrong time?
When the baby has already grown a little, you can find time to have sex with your husband in the morning. If the child woke up a little earlier than you expected, and saw you and your husband doing a simple thing, think about how the baby is affected by what he saw. In fact, co-sleeping with the baby affects the parents themselves. Often their intimate life changes, and not for the better. The constant anxiety of the spouses that the child can see them making love does not make it possible to completely relax. Something needs to be done about this.
First, reduce the chance that the baby will be able to see you.
To do this, use a blanket or screen. Discuss how you and your husband will react in case the unexpected happens and the child sees you. In general, if such a situation happened to a small child, then you need to calmly respond. Most importantly, do not moan loudly. If you have an opportunity for unplanned sex, do not miss it. As soon as the grandmother took her grandson for a walk, proceed to her husband. Do not think about household chores, you can do this later.
With a child of preschool age, everything is a little more complicated.
Even if he has his own room, he can still come to you at night or in the morning after having a bad dream or being afraid of a thunderstorm. It may be that the baby will come to your room at the wrong time, and you will not immediately notice him. At the same time, the child may ask you: “What are you doing?". You will not answer anything and go to soothe and put the baby to bed. After a day, you and your husband will think about how to answer the child if he asks questions, but for some reason he does not ask them. You observe that the baby has become dull. What to do ?
The fact is that at this age, sex between parents is perceived by the child as aggression of the father towards the mother. You need to react calmly and not show your embarrassment. The child should not understand that he entered the room at the wrong time. You need to approach the child and ask if he wants to return to his room. Mom should see him off and put him to bed. If the child is crying, calm him down, tell him that everything is fine. If the baby remains calm, then concentrate his attention on other things, invite him to sing a lullaby. If the baby catches your fear, he will understand that something terrible was happening in the bedroom, and he was scared for a reason. In no case should you be angry, this will obviously worsen the situation.
The day after the incident, you do not need to hide from the child, but, on the contrary, wait for his questions.
If the baby behaves as usual, then you should not worry, he saw less than you think or took it as normal as familiar things like massage or kisses.
Still, the baby may be traumatized by what he sees. How do you know when to pay special attention to it?
Be careful if:
- the baby closed in on himself;
- the sleep or appetite of the crumbs was significantly disturbed;
- the child became aggressive;
- draws pictures or plays games on this topic;
- the child’s interest in naked bodies in pictures in magazines, books …
You need to understand that the easier you talk to your child, the more trust he will have in you. You should be calm and confident when talking about such topics. If the child came to you, then do not send him to your husband, talk to him, because he came to you, and not to your spouse. This means that the baby wants to receive an answer from you. The child responds to the tone of voice and the emotions themselves, not the words.
If there was a conversation, then ask the child what exactly he saw.
His perception may be different than yours. Perhaps his answer will be in your favor, or maybe not. The baby can say that he saw how dad offended mom. In this case, say that you were not hurt, and the sounds that he heard, people make when they feel good. Use the word "compassionate". This will help to avoid incomprehensible and difficult, for the baby, the words "sex", "intimacy". The word "pardoned" has only a positive connotation and is easy to imagine and perceive.
At this age, the child should already understand that before entering the room with his parents, he must knock on the door. Tell the baby that you can enter when he hears an affirmative answer. If the parents say: “You can’t enter,” then you shouldn’t do it.
The kid can reproduce what he saw in the game.
Do not forbid him to do this, talk to him. If after the conversation such a game continues, then support the crumbs in the game and explain to the child what really happened, but only in a playful way. If this does not help, contact a child psychologist, for sure, he is familiar with similar cases.
See also: Benefits of sex.
In order for you to be comfortable having sex and for the child not to be harmed by this, you need to properly organize your intimate life. If the situation is really bad, when you do not have a crib and the child sleeps with you, and sex is only possible in the room, then have sex outside the bed. To do this, choose suitable poses or lay a mattress on the floor. If the child is fast asleep, you can shift it to the stroller for a while, and then return it back to bed.
At the same time, be quiet, because children are very sensitive to sounds.
You can hide under the covers, just do not overdo it, so as not to scare the child with this. A very good solution to the problem is a screen. They are not expensive and, if there is a desire, you can do it yourself. Try to monitor your child’s sleep, and when he has a sound sleep phase, get down to business.