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“I’m 48 and I’ve had enough bad sex!” Manifesto of a grown woman


“I no longer want to hang from a chandelier, put on life-threatening heels, or whatever you want out there," she said.

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They say there is no bad sex, just as there is no bad pizza. “Honestly, I’d rather eat pizza from the most seedy diner, because I really like it,” says writer Nina McCollum. She recently wrote a candid article about why she no longer intends to do in bed what she herself does not like.

It probably sounds harsh. But it normal. I have very little time left before menopause, my periods and hormonal levels are no longer amenable to prediction or understanding. Menstruation can come every 15 days, and then completely stop for two months.

"I'm 48 and I've had enough bad sex!" Manifesto of a grown woman

This makes me feel like there is less and less time for an active sex life.

I understand what will happen next: my body will change, the ability to enjoy sex the way it used to. I don’t look forward to it. I spent many hours without sleep, fearing the disappearance of my sexual desire.

All my friends know that I have always liked sex. And to know that this will pass is quite sad for me.

Last year I shared my problem with a gynecologist. She said that my libido after menopause would be like an engine: if I keep starting it up and changing the lubricant regularly, it will work. If I leave it for a few months, it may not start again. She suggested making the engine run as often as possible.

In my youth, sex was much more enjoyable for my partners than it was for me. I wanted to impress, dazzle, delight. In this I differed from an adult woman who understands what she wants and can satisfy her own desires.

"I'm 48 and I've had enough bad sex!" Manifesto of a grown woman

Now I don’t have the patience for such actions. I am no longer someone’s teacher or source of entertainment. I no longer want to hang from a chandelier, wear life-threatening heels, or engage in painful positions. I know what I like. I can point the partner in the right direction and tell them what to do.

I’m tired of being an expert to please others and in return getting lovers who don’t know how to unbutton a bra, touch my breasts like an avocado – as if testing them for maturity, can’t find the clitoris or don’t know where it is.

I guarantee it will be amazing for both of us. But I’m not ashamed to refuse. Nothing personal, I would say, if sexual intimacy wasn’t quite a personal thing.

And something else that I understood at my age. Sometimes I feel like a teenager again. Sex excites me again, it seems something special and amazing. I know that adults try to tell children about this, but I never understood this, but now I understand.

It’s like I want to try all the candies in the box and find out which filling I like best.

Now that my body has gone through several surgeries, pregnancy and childbirth, mountain climbing, marathon runs, knee and back pain, I realized that it deserves more than just giving it to anyone who wants it.

I deserve it."

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