LOVE OR ADDICTION?

What is the difference between healthy and toxic relationships?

In psychology, addiction is defined as an obsessive attraction to someone or something that is out of control. In relationships between a man and a woman, addiction is most often mistaken for love. Painful and almost irresistible attraction to another person is seen as having strong feelings.

But here there is a certain substitution of concepts. Need is taken for love. A person prone to addiction is not accustomed to solve life’s problems, relying on himself. In such matters, he is focused on his partner, and therefore depends on his attitude towards himself, his mood and approval. A dependent person does not allow himself, does not know how to focus on himself and his needs in life. That’s why he starts controlling the other person, obsessed with controlling his behavior. He understands love itself as the desire to possess.

Gradually, a person prone to addiction ceases to take care of their actual physical and psychological needs. Is in constant tension and feels deep frustration, because his true needs are not satisfied. As a rule, an addicted person does not even know his desires, what he really wants in this or that area of ​​life. And sometimes he does not even understand that he himself can and should take responsibility for meeting his own needs. He lives, ignoring self-care, but expects it from others. And often believes that he has the right to demand it.

The Importance of Positive Self-Esteem

The defining skill in the art of building strong relationships is the ability to set healthy boundaries for your personality. This includes the ability to say “no" without fear that the relationship will be immediately broken. And the ability to insist on your own, without fear that your desires will be completely unimportant for a partner. The skill to mark the boundaries directly depends on the level of self-esteem. There are many factors that influence positive self-esteem. First of all, the situation and events of childhood, how our communication developed in the family, what models of behavior were inspired by the parents.

What does a healthy relationship look like?

• Healthy close relationships involve giving and receiving equally. Selfless dedication that does not require anything in return is a sign of unconditional parental love. But strong relationships between a man and a woman are built on other grounds. If you do not know how to equally give and take, this will certainly lead to problems.

• In a healthy strong relationship, there is no desire to please the partner in everything, because this is done out of fear of being left behind. You do not need to fulfill all the wishes of a partner to the detriment of yourself in order to earn his favor. For the well-being of the couple, equal interchange is important, when everyone knows how to take care of themselves on their own. These are relationships in which everyone makes an effort to nurture and strengthen the bond.

• Quarrels, conflicts, misunderstandings are inevitable in healthy relationships. We are not talking about a constant, sometimes hidden, struggle of characters. The bottom line is that you need to learn constructive dialogue. Correctly resolved conflicts do not alienate the participants from each other, but bring them closer. If misunderstandings are adequately resolved, they only strengthen the union, and the members of the couple become true friends. You can quarrel, it is important not to lose respect for each other.

• The main thing that should be present in a healthy relationship is the opportunity to discuss any emerging issues and problems. A long-term satisfactory relationship is based on an open and sincere dialogue in all those cases when it is necessary for one of the partners. If someone in a couple, with any misunderstanding, closes in on himself and shows unwillingness to discuss the problem, serious damage is done to the relationship. In the other person, such behavior will inevitably cause deep tension, which will be destructive to the relationship. It is extremely important to be able to discuss the issues on the agenda and treat them with full attention.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

• Toxic relationships in a couple are characterized by manifestations of psychological aggression. The partner does not show love, respect, admiration. Provokes a conflict, may report a low value for him in these relationships.

• In an unhealthy relationship, there is an atmosphere of sadness and sadness, negative experiences, lack of joy and satisfaction. The members of the couple are unhappy, they feel bad together. There is a lot of criticism, attempts to humiliate each other.

• In such a pair there are no joint plans, common interests and aspirations. There are no common dreams, as well as goals that we would like to achieve together.

• You want to leave such relationships and at the same time it can be very difficult to do this, because a lot of energy has been invested in them. It is the feeling that too much effort has been spent on mending relationships that often makes you stay in them.

• In a toxic relationship, as a rule, only one person tries to change something, to establish contact, but the other member of the couple does not take part of the responsibility. He does not want to hear about anything and claims that the other side is to blame for everything and must change.

So, the most important and characteristic sign of addiction is the fact that the choice in favor of a partner is not conscious. Another person is nearby not for the reason that communication with him is productive, useful, but because the thought of losing a partner causes a feeling of panic. The need for a partner to be nearby becomes decisive, otherwise there is a feeling that the breakup will become unbearable. This is not a well-thought-out conscious choice to live next to a certain person, but the fear of being alone and eventually not coping with problems.

In a healthy relationship, with high self-esteem, both partners feel free. There is necessarily a feeling that it is good emotionally with the chosen person, that in this union there is an opportunity for spiritual and spiritual growth.

With low self-esteem, a person is characterized, first of all, by disbelief in himself and his ability to solve problems. When there is no feeling of self-confidence, there is a desire to solve problems at the expense of another person. There is a false belief that without a partner there will be neither life nor the possibility of moving forward. So there is a fruitless battle for relationships with the willingness to pay any price for their preservation.

With high self-esteem, a person understands that he can and can do a lot. He rejoices and feels satisfaction from his own ability to act. There is an inspiration to pay attention to a healthy diet, to engage in physical education. Chat with friends and find time for hobbies. An independent person highly values ​​his own and other people’s free time, the state of inner peace and harmony. Addiction, on the other hand, brings a feeling of constant anxiety and a desire to control another person, because our well-being depends on it. Therefore, excessive attention to the manifestations of another person is so similar to love. In fact, it disguises itself as an addiction.